True Amour Muse
by iluvedwardcullen191
Summary: Bella's boyfriend Jacob, of several months breaks up with her in a way. Then she meets Edward Cullen. He makes her happy again and she feels like she can do anything around him. How crazy will they both go together, when they feel so free?//human
1. Never Wake

When the choice is no longer yours what do you do? When everything you have ever wanted is leaving, what do you do? When you thought that things were perfect but they really weren't, what do you do? These three questions have been the questions that have ruled my mind since he left. It hurts. I can't breathe right. It seems like every time I walk down the hallways I hear the miserably failing gossip. By that I mean these low lived people have no clue what really happen. They are about as clueless as the sailors during the spontaneous generation. It's almost stupid. They all think that he fell in love with another girl and left me to get married. Not true. The truth is that he left. Not necessarily left me for another girl but I suppose you could look at it like that. I try to avoid all means of associating with people and it seems that it's not that hard. Even my best friends left me to fend through this difficult time in my life. I can't say that this has happened for the best. How can I say that whenever it hurts this much? I can't explain it. I'm sure you've heard that a thousand times in thousands of books but it's the truth. The feeling is like something is tearing at your heart and obviously the bad side is winning. You can't think straight and you feel as if everyone is looking at you and whispering their pointless opinions. When I walk to my locker sometimes I see him leaning gangly against the locker with a big smile on his face and you could honestly say that he was happy to see me by the spark in his eyes. But once I blink the beautiful allusion is gone and all I see the dreary black rectangular pit where useless thing I could think of belongs. I try to stay away from anything that reminds me of him, like chocolate. He would bring me a chocolate bar every day, and if I was late to school he would simply put it in my locker. I crave for that sweet silk that would float about in my mouth, but as I said, I can't bear to think of him. It hurts. I also try to avoid wearing the color purple. He always told me it was his favorite color and the reason it was, was because the color was so beautiful on me. You could say that the only color that I can approve of is black. I'm not in a Goth group. They have already tried to invite me but I don't want people like that as friends right now. I need someone who can understand me and tell me everything is okay and he's going to come back. But I don't think anyone has enough patience to put up with my lameness. So I sit at a small lonely table at lunch, do work by myself, think to myself, and try to stay by myself. I am determined to never make any ties with anyone. If he left me, then I am maybe my purpose is to be alone.

Chapter 1:

Never Wake

You can't be serious. It seems that the day passes way too quickly and then I am already getting ready to go back to a mindless unfortunate facility called a school. There is no point to this school. Literally, once you get past 7'Th grade there is nothing new to learn. It's all the same boring material that we've memorized since 2'nd grade when the teacher was like "Now boys and girls, today we have to listen extra hard so open up your ears" they say cheerfully and you do playing along with it of course. "Now what we have to do is learn the big kid material. So here it is" and they walk gracefully to the small white board pick up a green dry erase marker and write in BIG numbers:

2+4=__

Then you wind up staring at it trying to figure out its mysterious meaning. For all you know it could be saying that Santa isn't real. That's all school is except now that say things like -2.43+4.77867890=. I mean where in real life do we actually do things like that? Hey, say I want to work at McDonalds for the rest of my life. Do you really think they are going to come up to me one day and say "Hey Jadelyn, hate to busy you while your washing that lettuce but what is 9.000897657+ 8.56567456? Exactly. Ugh, I pull the warm blanket over my head. Just thinking about school makes me want to hurl and then not be able to go.

"Enough is enough, get out of bed. I'm tired of having to be your nanny. I'm your mother, not you're your personal maid so come on!"

My mother's screeching has me out of bed immediately. Unless I want to make this day harder on myself I just decide to try to make things a little bit better and get out of bed. My clothes are already set out from the night previous. I'm actually wearing some color today. A long sleeved brown shirt and some blue jeans. Obviously not my normal attire. Before my mom can scream anymore I hurriedly throw on my shirt and run outside. I don't bother to tell her goodbye anymore. She knows the only place I would go is school so it doesn't really matter that much. I climb into my small car trying to get used to the cold air as I turn on the car quickly. I don't see why I drive my car to school because I only live a few blocks from the school but I guess I just want to see normal by driving a car. Even though it's not a cool new one, it's still a car. I drive into the treacherous parking lot and go to my normal parking space. I shift the car into park, grab my bag, get out of the car, and head towards the main door. As I walk in there's an unfamiliar atmosphere to it all. First of all, all of my classmates are busily busting around trying to get into their small cliques. Everyone's whispering and talking trying to remain inconspicuous but I doesn't seem to work. They look like small groups of kids that you see in movies who know that they are talking about someone and want you to know ,as of I'm sure that's not the case in this situation. I don't bother to see what the commotion is all about. I'm sure it's something stupid like the so called "hot" health teacher is getting a divorce. Hmmmm.. Maybe that's not the case because I'm sure that there would be a lot more commotion than this. I swear some girls would jump off bridges for that man. I already have heard rumors that some girl by the name of Natalie Britchard was going to intoxicate his daily water bottle with drowsy sleeping pills and then take advantage of him. Goodness me. I know from the outside I look like a girl who doesn't know a thing and never would but believe me that is definitely not the case.

I'm in 3'rd period French. I took this class because I thought the language was beautiful but it obviously turns out that although it is beautiful, it is hard. As the teacher rambles on I can't seem to stop thinking about him. Jacob Black. I miss him so much. I'm trying as hard as I can not to think of him but it hurts like a never ending volcanic explosion to the skin. I suppose one day I can get over it but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen soon. It's hard to explain his beautifulness. His coopered skin that always had a deep blush. His amazing eyes that, although to a human eye, held nothing but darkness. I could see his emotions like his eyes were clear. He wasn't the best at displaying his feelings like most men so his eyes were a bonus. He was tall and muscular. He wasn't jock muscular but muscular and lanky. Very attractive in my eyes.

"Oh", I gasped as a wild wave of hurt crashed into my heart.

Mrs. Levaner noticed my quiet exhale and immediately looked at me. Her head cocked back and her lips lunged from her mouth.

"Did you have something to say Ms. Swan?" Her eyes blazed like she spotted me stealing her most prized possession. I swear the woman has had issues.

It was hard to reply because I felt my eyes tearing up from the pressure and I knew that if I answered my tear glands would burst and…. All in all not a pretty sight. So I slowly nodded a lengthy "yes".

"Good then" she said violently nodding her head and immediately began where she left off.

I exhaled quickly after that, making sure she did not hear. I vowed I would not think of him for a while. Not until I could get into a calm place where I could slowly let everything out without any disruptions. This was definitely not the place to do that. The rest of the day was long and tiring but I slowly went through it. It was just like everyday though. The same pointless routine as I have already discussed.

When the final bell rang I carefully took my things and went to my cavalier. I threw my things in the back and started the car. The gentle hem of the car relaxed me. My home was only a mile or two away but today I don't want to go to my big ,yet chaotic home. Unaware of where I was going I just started to drive. The smooth and slick road and wheel alike was enough to keep me driving for hours but eventually I stopped. At Dairy Queen. What the heck? Whatever, I didn't want to go home and obviously this is not home. Grabbing my small purse that also had a small amount of money I climbed out of the car and went in. It was cold and the smell was ever so softening. You could smell the sweet cream and ice from behind the counter.

"Can I help you?" small young women asked. She had long brown hair like most fast food employees and was wearing a black uniformed shirt and black slack like pants. Her hands were already prepared on the cashier customed key board. I quickly looked up to the board that held all the precise flavors and decided on the first one I saw.

"Eh, I'll take the strawberry cheese cake icecream." She already knew this purchase was going to cost more than a gallon of ice cream from the store so she hurriedly looked inside her purse and started digging out its contents. After much impatience from the cashier she found a ten dollar bill and basically threw it at the women. She took it hastily and smashed into the register. She handed me back about 5 dollars and called out to the next person in line. I shuffled to the edge and waited. I studied my surroundings which included 1950's black and white pictures of happy little friends enjoying themselves in line to receive some ice-cream. There were many coca-cola pictures also. The tiles in the Dairy Queen where black and white tiled and matched nicely with the whole theme. Moments later a kid about my age came and delivered the ice cream. It looked delicious. I took hold of the iced cup and left returning to my car. All I thought about was the smooth ice cream floating in and out of my mouth like silk. It was delicious and I promised myself that I would come once a week to treat myself. Once I was done I threw away the cup and started back towards home. When I got home mom was waiting by the door.

"Bella! I can't believe you would be so irresponsible! What you think now that you have a car that you can just leave about a hint if "This is where I'm going to be"?! I am your mother and I deserve to know where you are at all times. Now where were you?!" She demanded

Wow, wow, wow. She was taking this a bit far and then she wonders why I leave and try to get as far as possible from this place. Just as angry I replied.

"I was at freaking Dairy Queen. Since I never get to go out, except for school I thought I would go somewhere for me, for once! Is that okay?!"

I watched as her face went from furious to shock and lastly pleased.

"Well that's good that you got a chance to go out. I much rather prefer that when you tell me where you are going and when. Can you do that next time?"

My mom has no idea how idiotic she sounds to me. Rather than continue our argument I nod a quick yes that obviously demands that no further questions will be answered and head up to my room. Once I get into my beloved atmosphere I begin to think. Life has been too hard for me. It has been a nightmare these last few months. What with all the gossip and rumors it seems there is no time for fun and enjoyment. Not like I really need it, I suppose I'm just using this as an excuse although I do need some time. Some time to enjoy myself and not think of Jacob for once. It rarely happens. Letting the answers dwindle exhaustion gets to me. I settle onto my warm bed and slowly but surely drift into an innocent dream that contains no nightmares or sense of departure.

I woke up the next morning bright and early ready for school. I felt half way decent today. I'm not sure why it was just a normal Forks day. Rainy, cloudy, and dreary. Nothing new to say the least. But I felt something new and exciting about to happen. Maybe I was just being paranoid and it was just the previous events of going out. Who knew? Jumping into my car without a backward glance I hurried to school. Walking inside I still could hear the whispers. I could see the pale and dark hands covering their busy mouth as they talked speedily trying to hurry so they could stay on time for class. I paid no more attention that necessary. I reran through my head my next classes and came to the thought of my next dreaded class. Utterly disgusting Biology. With a sly groan I took the red stair well to the 400's and turned the corner to 430. I walked into the classroom with my head down and my hair swinging. I took my lonely seat and started to doodle on a piece of scrap paper that was randomly was thrown into my folder. I heard a chair squeak against the tiled floor. Below my hair I looked at the person who was taking the seat next to me. I thought it was probably a kid who was tired and didn't realize that he was about to sit in the wrong seat. I looked at him through my stringy hair. He was pale like I've never seen anyone before. I couldn't see his eyes clearly because he was facing the board. He was absolutely beautiful. It was unnatural for someone to be so gorgeous. Even Jacob could not compare to this….. this… boy who so strangely looked like he had the intelligence and modesty to be a man. He must have noticed my awkwardly turned head so his eyes met mine. They surprised me and made me think of my father's old fashioned gold. It was magically the color of nothing I've ever seen before. It was much more beautiful than gold and almost looked like it was specked with red. I must be delusional. I quickly blinked and then he was no longer looking at me and had a sad yet pained look on his face. It was much more furious to be sad. I wondered what the problem was. It couldn't be me I knew for sure. Relationally I turned back towards the board and waited for the bell to ring. When class started I was completely unaware. All I could think of is the way his eyes bored into mine. All I could think of was the pressure between us that sparked like firecrackers in July. I tried to stay in my seat for that hour and a half but I kept feeling like I was falling. Eventually I just feel out of my seat.

"Uhmph", I gasped as I landed on the cold hard tile.

I felt my cheeks fill with color as all my classmates silently stared at me with bemused expressions on their faces. I turned to look at the mysterious boy to see if he too shared this half smile. I looked to him and he wasn't even looking at me. Clumsily I grabbed the foot of the chair and helped myself up to the table. The teacher didn't even see me fall and he continued his speech like nothing ever happened. I felt so out of place and sad. No one ever noticed me anymore. Life was pointless. Before I knew it a loud bell sounded and signaled that the class had ended. I turned to pick up my stuff and when I looked back the mysterious boy was no longer there. As quietly as I could I picked up my things and walked out the door.

"BELLA!" I heard a booming voice call that held a slight boyishness.

I turned around completely stunned to see who was calling out to me. It was Mike. The blond haired, blue eyed boy that used to be Jacob's best friend. He was quite different from Jacob but they somehow made their friendship work. Mike had stopped talking to me once Jacob left but it wasn't as if we had talked much when Jacob was still here anyway.

"Yeah?" I asked once he came into talking distance.

A pained expression touched his boyish features and his eyes turned sad.

"I'm so sorry about you and Jacob. I miss that old geezer' so much. I just wanted to make sure you were handling everything okay? I know it's been a while but……." His voice trailed off like he couldn't explain a good reason as to why he hadn't talked to me for months.

I touched his shoulder to silently tell him everything was fine.

"I'm fine, Mike. Don't worry about me. You know that I'll be okay" I whispered.

I guess my small words really made an impression and assured him that everything was fine because he smiled an adorable smile that made me feel so much better.

"Hey, well if you ever feel like hanging out just call me, okay?" He had so much hope in his voice it almost pained me that the real answer would probably be the opposite.

"Okay, sure." I smiled to tell him everything was cool and with a friendly nod he waved a "Bye Bella" and went to his next class.

It was nice to have someone actually acknowledge me for once. Even if it was a boyish Mike. With a sigh, like every day, I went to my next class. Boring, boring, and more boring were the next events of the day. And like every day I returned home in a sour mood. Threw my bags in the car, started the car, drove the few blocks to my house and went to my room without a "hey" to the family. Today was the type of day I felt the need to relax to some music. I turned my MP3 on and attached it to the Aux on my stereo and began listening to the gently words and beat.

"_Don't waste your time on me, your already the voice inside my head" _

No kidding I thought. And like every day I layed down and went to sleep to the single sentenced chorus.

The next morning felt like a drag. I was completely unwilling to go school. For several reasons but the main reason was the mysterious boy. He seemed to dislike me for no apparent reason. I was curious as to why he why he showed so much hatred to someone he didn't even know but I suspected that if I was to bring up the conversation with him it would not go so smoothly. I was in no mood to go through one of my mother's fiascos so against my own advice not to go to school, I went to school.

As I walked into the yellowed hallway there was still just as much conversation as before. I ignored everything as always and no one made an account to share anything with me anyway. I went to my first period class, Art. I sat in my stupid assigned seat which I quite enjoyed because it was quiet and I wasn't surrounded by obnoxious boys who did not understand the command to be quiet. I took my unfinished art assignment and went to my table. I was immediately uncomfortable with my surroundings by the way everyone was whispering. Usually no one worried about being overheard, but today it was too silent. I looked around me and saw everyone looking at me. Plumping my lips out in uncomfort I turned around and tried to focus on my art assignment. A few minutes later as I was just beginning to ignore the whispers and actually focus, Brandi Grams came to my table. Brandi Grams, my old best friend. We used to be like those corny "two pees in a pod". Our relationship was even stronger once Jacob and I got together weirdly enough. We were constantly going on double dates and talking on the phone till midnight about how much we loved our boyfriends. Then once Jacob left and I was abandoned she too abandoned me. I had missed her so much but eventually I realized it was her loss and there was no reason for me to be upset because it was her loss. As I looked at her pretty face I couldn't help but think of all of the days that we stayed at the park playing and talking till the cops came and made them go home. They would skip home merrily through the dark streets in complete bliss. Those days were over and like all friendship fairytales it ended. She was a beautiful girl. Perfect chestnut hair parted in the middle, beautiful green sun flowered eyes. Her gorgeous face was a heart shaped and her jaw was perfectly angled. I was always jealous of her and it always seemed that her perfect face matched her beautiful personality. I was silent as she slid into the seat and smiled at me though her eyes only said that she was curious.

"Oh my god. Hey, I haven't talked to you in a while. How are you?" she honestly seemed genuine.

I stared at here silently. I wasn't sure why I couldn't reply but it seemed my mouth would not open. She looked at me like I was mentally delayed. I stumbled a bit but eventually my mouth opened and I could speak a bit.

"I'm fine. You?" I knew my voice was accusing but I didn't mind. I suppose that should have known how I was considering we used to be as close at corn on the cob. She probably heard the accusatory because she answered unfriendly.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy. I'll get to the point so we can cut this short. Do you know Edward Cullen?" as she said Edward Cullen her voice went from upset to undeniably flirtatious.

I wasn't sure who Edward Cullen was so I answered truthfully although I had a good idea who she was talking about.

"Eh sorry Brandi, but I have no idea who you are talking about." I continued to work on my art absent mindedly as we talked.

Her perfect features were disorganized as she frowned at me.

"Sure you do. He sits right next to you in Biology. Doesn't he?"

Oh goodness. That was the beautiful young boy who hated me. Edward Cullen. Yet undeniably full of hatred. Of course I knew this boy. A boy who's eyes filled the spirit of a man. A man/boy who I felt a full force curiosity towards.

"Uhm, I guess. Why?" I didn't really want to be involved in anything she was going to do like bribe me to into stalking him for her so she could find out everything she could to get closer. So I knew Brandi would never ask me to do that and she would never want anyone to do that but I couldn't ignore that I was completely and utterly disgusted with her.

"Oh wow. That's what I thought. So what is he like?" her voice raised a pitch higher.

And then when she asked that questions I immediately knew I wanted to go home and never wake again.


	2. Phone calls and cries

That day Brandi continually asked me questions that I had no answers too. I had told her that I hadn't even talked to him before but she refused to listen. I just ignored her until she finally went away with a "whatever bye". I smiled proud of my accomplishment to get her away. I felt as if every day went by like you wouldn't believe. It was like I was in some time traveling thing that constantly fast forwarded my day so before I knew it I was already in 3'rd period. When I came in Edward Cullen was already sitting in his assigned seat. I stood in the doorway mentally calculating if I should just run and hide for 45 minutes or just go in and get through it. I suppose that I'm not good with advice to myself because I walked into the classroom with my head down and my eyes partially closed. I sat in my cold chair with a sigh. I was so uncomfortable around him I just felt the need to make things better. I felt his stare on me as I contemplated whether to introduce myself or stay quiet and endure the pointless months of curiosity and amazement. I didn't want to have be a small young girl who couldn't stand up for herself. I needed to be powerful for a moment. It seemed that this would be the point where I would challenge that. Using up all my courage for the rest of my life I opened my mouth to talk.

"Uhm, my name is Bella. Your name is Edward right?" I stuttered as I spoke but he didn't seem to notice.

His face was a mixture of awe and curiosity but he spoke quickly and quite precise.

"My name is Edward Cullen. Please forgive me for not introducing myself as early as possible. I was quite absorbed in thinking the day I first arrived." His voice was gorgeous and so confident that I wasn't sure how I should respond. So I asked one of the few questions of could think of that probably ever one in Forks already asked.

"So how do you like school?" I know it was lame but I wasn't sure how else to further the conversation.

He seemed to take this particular subject extremely serious. He perhaps thought for a moment but his actions were so fast I wasn't sure.

"Eh, it's quite nice thank you. I have several questions that have not yet been answered, but aside from that it's rather nice and calm" his politeness overwhelmed me considering that he had shown such hatred towards me.

"Well that's good, glad you like it. So how did you wind up in this small crazy little town?" I asked wanting to know so much more about this person then seemed I would get.

"Complications." He smiled and I almost stopped breathing. "Though I'm glad I'm here."

I was so appreciative as the teacher walked into the classroom and announced that class had begun. I was so out of breath that I wasn't sure what I would have said without looking like a complete maniac. As I tried to focus on the teacher I kept feeling Edward's warm gaze on me. I tried not to look at him in return and as hard as it was I managed to accomplish it. The teacher's lecture was dumb and made no sense at all that day so it didn't seem I would miss anything from my head being jumbled and noncoherent. So soon yet so slow the bell rang, and just as the day before I bent down to pick my things up and as I came back up he was gone, like a single flash of wind in the desert. And like the day before the rest of the day went by like Edward did. Before I knew it I was walking to my locker in amazement and gathering my things for the end of the day. I walked out the dreary doors of the school for the day and went to the treacherous parking lot and got into my small little car. I drove the few blocks to get to my house I went up to my room without a word to my family. As much as the day went by like most some things were different. I went to my room, but did not lay on the bed and sleep. I decided to do something I would have never thought of doing. I decided to call Jacob. Not only because I want to hear his great voice but I wanted to see if he was as heartbroken as I was and have been. If he was not then I decided I needed to do something meaningful with my life. Before I knew it, I was going to be out of school and starting a life. I didn't need to spend my free time being afraid of everything and leaving my life left behind all because of a special boy that I love more than anything in the world. Yeah, Why should I have to delay everything I've ever wanted to do so I can slowly get over something that may or may not be completely pointless. So as I made up my mind that I was done with all of this I picked up my phone and dialed a number t o talk to a boy I never thought I would talk to again. I was nervous as the phone beeped that I wasn't sure that I could go through with it but eventually a manly voice came to the phone and I was so amazed I thought I would break down crying right then and there.

"Jacob?" I squeaked.

It was hard to believe but his voice pitched a level higher than it already did as he said my name.

"Bella? Is it really you Bells? "

"Yeah, it me's Jacob" I felt like a robot. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to respond to anything so I went with the first things that popped into my head.

"Awh Man, I haven't talked to you in forever. This is great."

I started to get excited and jumpy. I almost wanted to scream into the phone I was so hyper. But I forced myself to stay calm and remain human being like.

"So how are you?" he didn't seem like he hadn't gotten over the hysteria of finally talking to me. I was quite pleased.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him I was lonely and upset and wanted him to come home like he wouldn't believe. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and I hoped he loved me too. I wanted to tell him that I would never heal from the hurt that he had caused me. I thought about all the answers and decided with something harmless.

"I'm fine. How are you?" Pathetic. This was the last thing he wanted to hear and I was sure of it.

"Uhh, I'm great. "He seemed nervous for a while. "Uhh Bells not to break the moment but why are you calling me?"

Of all the things he could say to make my heart break he said that. Why are you calling me? As if he didn't already know. I missed him like crazy. I loved him like a mother loves her new born baby. I needed him like a fish needs water.

"Uht…" I stuttered.

"_Hey babe, can you come here for a second?"_

Before I could register anything through my head I said

"Who is that?"

He coughed for a moment trying to cover up all his BS. Not working.

"See Bells, I don't know how to say this but………….. "His voice trailed off and I couldn't hear anything. Just an annoying ringing in my ears. His voice then went higher and not in a good way. He was obviously not very happy.

"Bella, you can't just call and do this. I've moved on and I've found someone that I can love. Of course I'll always love you but this kind of relationship would never work. I'm sorry Bells."

He was sad and I knew he didn't want to have to say this stuff to me. I could hear it in the way he spoke. I couldn't breathe and it hurt me so bad I couldn't believe it imaginable. But it happened and as much as I hopped it wouldn't happen it did. I couldn't blow this off but I could stay strong for a few minutes to tell him how I felt and then I would go to my bed and cry. Cry like I've never cried before, but for now it was time to tell this boy.

" I understand and it really sucks that this is the path you have chose. I called to see if you still loved me. It was a matter if I was going to move on or not and I suppose I have found my answer. So you'll never hear from me again you douche bag!" Then I hung up and that was the end. I slowly walked to my bed and plopped down. I cried. And cried. And cried. Like you wouldn't believe.


	3. A New Beginning

Hot wet tears strolled down my face and its salty taste just made me feel worse. My face got itchy as it often does once I have cried. I didn't like the feeling of the water on my cheeks because it somehow felt murky, and that made me cry even more. My mom came up once asking why I was crying. I mumbled one word" Jacob" and she walked away talking about how dramatic I was. That pretty much explains why I don't talk to her anymore. Eventually I stopped crying but it was really hard. I let out one last sob and promised myself that was the last tear that would be shed for Jacob Black. I refused to let him RUIN my life all because HE had moved ON. I needed to relax and breathe so I decided to take a shower. I let the warm water flow down my body and tried to place myself in a place of tranquility. I made myself get out of the shower after my mom called out that I was using all the hot water. With a towel around my body I went my room in the frigid cold air. I promptly dressed as soon as I became in possession of warm pajamas. I climbed, once again, into my bed and snuggled into the big downy quilt. My pillow was soaked in tears so I had to turn it over. The top of the blanket was slimy and also wet. Using all of my strength I turned the top towards the bottom and tried to sleep. For once my bed that I loved so much brought my no comfort. I felt stiff, disorganized, and fatigued. I turned over and looked up at my ceiling. I had glow in the dark stars there from 3'rd grade. When I redid my room I couldn't bring myself to take them down. They were in some strange way a part of me. As I looked up at the ceiling it wasn't the stars I saw but something much more divine and spellbinding and exquisite. Edward. His shining eyes reminded me of the sparkled on the stars. In no way could Edward be compared to the anciently old fading glow in the dark stars but somehow that is what I saw. I wanted to know Edward so much more than he would tell me. I wanted to know about his life and his parents and his siblings and why he was so radiant. Thinking about him brought me into a state of weariness. Then finally I fell asleep with the most breathtaking face in my head.

"Up Bella!" Mom yelled while banging on my door.

Way to wake me up mom, I thought. I could already smell her strong perfume and the smell of coffee. She liked her coffee with 1 teaspoon of creamer, 3 Splenda, and 1 teaspoon half and half. I just liked to absorb mine in sugar and tons of milk. By the time I was get done with my coffee it barely taste like coffee. In another set of mind I decided I needed to move on. What with everything and Jacob it seems that today was a good day to start. First things first, I wanted to know Edward. I wanted to see why he hated me so much. I wanted to know his life story. I wanted to know what kind of milk he drank in elementary school. If he even went to elementary school. He probably went to some fabulous private school where they drank French tea imported from the queen of France's own collection. Who knew? And I needed to know. I for once put some thought into my wardrobe choice. I didn't have much to choose from but I found a cute black shirt that I have always adored and a yellow scarf. I found some skinny-leg complimenting pants that most kids call "skinny jeans". I threw my back pack over my shoulder and went down the stairs to my car, without of course a "bye mom". I actually smiled on my way to school. I needed a new start, and I was doing it for myself. I was going to enjoy my last years of high school; I was going to forget Jacob. I was going to be a new me. I walked into school with confidence. I refused to hold my head down so everyone could mumble how I drastically needed some make up on or how my ears were big. Now they could tell it to my face. No one made any paid any attention to me but I suspected that and it wasn't like I minded. I sat in first period bored out of my mind. No books. Nothing but stupid girls and boys talking without using their brains. It went slowly, but it did pass and for that I was grateful. Second period was pointless as it always is without a doubt. I finally came to the meaning of my day. Third period. I stopped in the doorway and there he was, wearing a blue button down shirt that complimented his body. Gorgeous. I walked in with as much confidence as I could strangle out, it wasn't much. I walked to my seat eager to smell his delicious scent. When I sat down he looked generally happy to see me.

"Hello Bella. How are you today?" It was great to hear his voice after so many hours. My dreams gave his flawless face no justice.

It was somehow more striking than the day before.

"I'm great" now that you're here I added silently in my head.

"I'm glad." He smiled slightly and it took my breath away once again. He looked almost shy and turned his head toward the board.

I was curious as to why he was suddenly acting so kind, I didn't want to ask. I was too happy that he was actually acknowledging my presence. I wanted to the conversation to continue ever so badly so I spent a quick minute trying to come up with interesting conversational points. I eventually came up with the idea of talking about his siblings but I didn't want to seem nosy and too personal. I was saved because then he started speaking again.

"This seems like a very nice school. What do you think of it?"

It was such a general question but the thought that he was interested in my opinion just sent sparks through my tummy. Much stronger than the average butterflies.

I stumbled before I could speak because I felt my chest swell just looking at him

"You really shouldn't be asking me. The only reason I got to school is because I have to. I suppose you could say it's a nice school."

He laughed an enticing laugh and mumbled out some words of understanding. I didn't see the entertainment in what I said but if it made him happy, then it made me happy. I laughed along, although not understanding why. I watched his face and as he ended his laughter he sucked in a large breath of air and his face stilled and he closed his eyes. I stopped laughing and examined his face. His eyes still closed he told me that he was to take a restroom break. Before I could respond he was out of his seat and treading gracefully toward the door. I couldn't bring myself to move my head. He was so mysterious and always left me wondering what I did wrong, or if I even did anything at all. I knew I didn't smell bad. I had taken an hour long shower both in water and in perfume and rubbed tons of lotion from PINK on myself. Maybe he really did have to use the bathroom. I waited for several minutes until I heard the door creak open and the classroom silence. Edward was returning. He looked much more calmed and he smiled a gleaming smile once he caught my eyes dancing upon him. I looked down and blushed, cursing myself for being so diffident. He was probably just being kind to me but inside he probably just thought I was a child. He settled into his seat quietly.

"I'm sorry for my departure. I'm sure you understand."

"No apology needed, Edward".

I knew I was being ridiculous and there was no reason for being so ludicrous but something in me just said "Your being stupid Bella. What makes you think he would ever like you? Answer that why don't you."

I looked at him and he was looking at me curiously. I bent my head and refused to look up for the rest of the class. I suppose he took my body language as I didn't want to talk so he didn't speak again, just mumbling to himself about things I didn't even understand. I wanted to ask him but I knew he wouldn't take it so fondly if he knew I was listening to him. The bell rang a few minutes later and like every day I bent down to pick up my things but unlike every day I sat up and Edward was still there.

"Bella?"

He said confidently. He already had so much confidence that it didn't show that much but you could tell that he wasn't sure about what he was about to say.

I exhaled before I answered so I wouldn't choke on my words.

"Yes, Edward?"

He swallowed quickly before he said "I would like to request your company during lunch today?". He talked so sure and respectful.

I was stunned and excited and astonished that after I had treated him he would still happen to ask me to sit with him. I didn't want to hesitate and give him the wrong idea so I hurriedly jumbled out "yes". He smiled a beautiful crooked smile and it almost broke my heart.

"I'll see you then." With that he kissed my cheek and fled out the door. I stood there my cheeks burning for several reasons. I couldn't believe myself but like an infatuated teenager I started jumping up and down, screaming silently. I saw several girls looking at me in envy and I noticed Brandi glaring at me. I was too happy to even notice much of her. After I was done with my excitement I skipped out of the classroom and towards my next class. I couldn't wait for lunch.

I was happily walking to my class not paying much attention to my surroundings. I was in utter bliss and wasn't going to let anyone ruin my day. Then Brandi walked up, with her long brown hair flying behind her, long legs strutting down the cluttered hallway, and face ready for the kill.

"Hey Bella, So what's with you and Edward,huh? Her tone of voice indicated that I had lied before about this subject. She still had a look of jealousy that she couldn't hide.

I stuttered as her eyes glared into mine.

"Uhm, Nothing Brandi. " I knew it was ridiculous and indicating that there was something but I wasn't giving in to her snotty attitude. I only knew Brandi too well.

She shifted her hand to her right hip and jutted her lips out.

"That's not what I saw. What are you ashamed of? Edward is downright gorgeous." She stretched out gorgeous and rolled her eyes I guess to add to her façade. She tried to act to fabulous but I knew deep inside she was still a little girl with pigtails, glasses, and overalls. She was just stuck in the middle of many things trying to find herself. I wish I could get her to be herself once again but something inside of me was just saying" don't even bother; she's not going to change. Not for you, not for herself." So I didn't even open my mouth.

"Bella? Hello? I'm talking to you" she replied so snotty that I wasn't even interested in replying but I didn't want her to continue annoying me so I replied in the same tone that she had used with me.

"Well Brandi, Last I heard we weren't friends therefore I don't think that I need to tell you anything. It was great saying the few things I did but I believe this conversation is over. If you'll excuse me..."

I walked off with a wave of my hair flying behind me. I was proud of myself for finally standing up to her and all her crap. I would not let her destroy my blissful happiness. I was going to be with Edward. Sitting with him and watching his beauty flow like water from a fountain. Only 2 more periods to go and that half an hour would make my boring day. I still was registering the fact that we would actually have to talk. I was trying to things of conversation topics in case he got bored with me early. Oh man, I really hope he wouldn't. Really though, what was I? I was just a young girl with no experienced with guys and this young man just happened to bring all these new emotions to me. But I couldn't let this affect me now. I had to focus. I walked into my class and saw all my fellow students sitting at their arranged seats and chatting animatedly to one another. There was something so ordinary and boring about it. Friends were quite boring, as far as I knew. I never had many so I wasn't sure how the rules of friendship work and in high school I'm sure it consisted of going to the mall, spending the night at each other's houses, talking about boys. Sounded fun to the average girl but to me, it hardly deserved being mentioned. Enough with that, I was a loner. I didn't need friends. I was happier without them.

3 Lunch3

I walked into the cafeteria and started searching for Edward. I couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't sitting in any of the secluded booths or large tables. I was beginning to think that he had set me up and just wanted to watch me get my hopes up and let them fall dramatically. My hopes were already falling and although I was sad, I was pissed.

"Hello Bella"

His voice. Gorgeous beyond belief and so sexy. I turned around slowly and faced him. His hair was in beautiful disarray. His chest stuck out from his tight shirt. His pants had just the right amount of bagginess. He looked like a Hollister model only more real, models always lacked something that a real human would have. He was beginning to stare at me curiously and I realized he saw that I was checking him out with his barely a few inches away.

" Oh, hey Edward", I was so nervous I stumbled a bit as I spoke and I saw a slight smile spread across his face.

He laughed as he lifted his arm to rub it through his hair. I noticed his arm muscle flexed and I lost my breath for moment. He must have also noticed that because he continued to laugh. I blushed but continued to look at him. Once he finished he shared a moment of just eye contact. I looked down because I though I would have an eye orgasm any moment. When I looked back up he was still looking at me with the most amazed expression.

" Uhm, if you don't mind, I'd rather not eat at this retched place. I have a nice place in mind, if you'd like to go"

He sounded nervous, which was a bit interesting, but he still held that confidence that he would also have. I was so stunned that he would ask me to go somewhere nice for lunch. I couldn't refuse. This was amazing. I was having a little 13 year old freak out.

" Uh, Uh, Uhhfff Course, " I breathed.

He smiled noticing my hesitation and shook his hand through his hair once more.

"Well then, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."


	4. Hope He Knew

It was really happening. Haha, I was going to lunch with Edward Cullen. We had left the school smoothly and as hard as I thought it would be to get out what with Forks School, and how the teachers were so bored that they spied we left quite easily. Edward led me to his car, a very Edward like Volvo, and it wasn't one of those old hippy cars. Edward reached into his pocket and took out a pair of car keys and pressed one of the unlock buttons. The car beeped loudly and the light turned on. Edward walked around towards the passenger side of the car and waved me in. I smiled at him and climbed in. The car smelled of fresh leather and Edward's own unexplainable scent. I smiled to myself and exhaled. I was smiling a lot today, I realized. I hadn't noticed but Edward was already in the car. He turned on the music to a Muse song that I had never heard before and started the car. Before he began to drive he turned to look at me. I was already looking at him, so we once again shared a brief moment of blissful eye contact. I had never noticed how gorgeous his eyes were. They were emerald green and even had the slight diamond shine to them. I'm sure it was quite boring to look into my eyes considering they were just a sudden and still murky brown color. When my heart stated to race like a Nascar Speed racer I looked down, and then felt the car move. I concentrated on listening to the music, but couldn't think straight with him and all his beauty right beside me. I decided to ask him a question and be brave. I wanted to turn down the music so we could talk but I wasn't sure how he would feel about me touching his radio. Most men got really protective when it came to their car and radio's. But I was quite sure he wouldn't yell at me. I quickly reached my hand towards the radio and turned down the music.

"Edward, I have a question..." I said, actually speaking quite loud and confident. I didn't feel that shy, now that I could talk freely and there weren't people crowding us.

He smiled and brushed his hand through his hair but then nodded.

"How come you seemed like you didn't like me, when I first came. I hope I'm not wrong but as soon as you saw me, it just seemed that there was an instant hatred."

I watched his face as my words sunk in and his smile disappeared. A touch of sadness washed over his glorious features and for once I didn't see his confidence and perfectness. I finally realized he was actually human and had feelings like everyone. He shook his head and took a deep breath before he began to talk.

"Uh, It's not that I didn't like you, because of course I didn't know you, but honestly you reminded me of my old girlfriend. I was in a relationship with her for quite a while and I honestly thought I loved her, loved her like you wouldn't believe. Anyways I caught her with some douche bag named Jacob and so it's over. I just saw your face and immediately thought of her. You don't look like her that much, just the outline really."

Towards the end he tried to put on an "I don't care" façade but I saw through it. He really did hurt. I then decided to tell him about Jacob, maybe it would make him feel better.

"I know this probably won't make you feel better but I just came out of a relationship with someone I thought I loved a lot too, his name was Jacob. I loved him a lot too." It made me sad to think about him, but I kept it in for the sake of Edward. He didn't need a pitty party together.

"Just wondering, what was Jacob's last name?" he asked, his eye brows scrunching together.

"Black, Jacob Black." I replied with no hint of hesitation or worry.

He laughed, and laughed some more, laughed really loudly. He threw his head back against the seat and I wondered what was so hilarious about the name Jacob Black.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Haha, this might not be the same person but Jacob Black, is he part Indian?"

Oh Hell no. NO! This was not happening. Not the Jacob That I had loved. He wouldn't do that to me would he? We had only broken up a few days ago. I stared out the window and felt teas of fury come to my eyes. I should have been sad, and devastated. But I was pissed that I had spent hours crying and mourning and depressed, while the loser was kickin' it with his new girlfriend.

"Bella? Bella? Are you Okay?" he seemed worried and it almost took away my frustration.

I took a deep breath, so I wouldn't break down and told him I was fine.

"It's him, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah, It's him."

"What an ass" he mumbled.

I had to laugh at that because there was the truth. Jacob was no kind, awesome, beautiful guy. He was an ass, and I hoped that girl learned that sooner or later. No, never mind. If that girl made him happy, stay with her. I had Edward now and that was all that I needed. I hope he felt the same way. We continued the drive peacefully only listening to the soft music playing quietly in the back ground. I noticed he wasn't listening to hard core rock, or rap like most teens his age but rather classical music such songs by Debussy. I smiled, because I preferred it. One of the things that had annoyed me tremendously about Jacob was his music. So loud and obnoxious. The music was so Edward. I liked it.

We drove for a few more minutes and then arrived at a small place called Panera Bread. I had never been but it looked promising and I assumed that it must be good for Edward to take me here. I had a feeling he didn't approve much, unless he really like it and I believe he had the same method towards food. I bet his parents had a rather hard time with him. I smiled at the thought. He found a parking place in the front of the lot and turned to look at me.

"Well, here we are." He smiled and his voice revealed something that I couldn't catch.

"Okay, well let's go. I'm hungry."

He smiled and climbed out of the car. As I was taking off my seat belt he came around to the passenger seat and opened the door. I sat fumbling with the seat belt, because against my wishes it wouldn't budge. Not even the slightest bit. I was infuriated because here Edward was standing, and I couldn't even get my seat belt to open. I was huffing and puffing, although afraid I sounded like a spoiled little kid. But as I looked up at him helplessly he laughed. He smiled and bent down inside the car. He slid over me to get to the seat belt and I nearly lost my breath. He wasn't heavy or such, it wasn't his weight at all, I could barely feel him. It was just his body, his scent, his everything. I was so shocked and amazed. I wanted more. I felt so free. I could slap his perfect butt right now and not be ashamed or embarrassed. Scary thought. But I restrained myself. Edward was trying to unlatch the seat belt and his breath was hitching, becoming frustrated. It made me smile once again, because as perfect and flawless as he was it was clear, like me, he had no patience. Eventually he yanked so hard on the belt that he flew out, nearly hitting me in the face. He slid out and apologized quickly.

"No Big Deal, I'm fine, I'm fine." I was better than fine, but I'm sure if I told him that he would question me and I didn't feel like having to go through that right now.

We walked inside together, side by side, standing so close I felt a radiation of his body heat, It was magical. When I stepped inside the little café its aroma surrounded me in the most wonderful way. Fresh bread and soup. I could see people pulling huge loaves of bread out of big ovens and some women ladling out cups of soap and its steam clouding above. It all looked so delicious. We walked to the cashier and examined the board above that listed everything. There were soups, breads, deserts, and many other foods. I noticed they were quite expensive and that held me back. I decided on a deal of a cup of soup, half a sandwich, and some bread for the price of five dollars.

"Hi, Welcome to Panera Bread. What can I get you today?" the beautiful woman behind the counter was staring at Edward like she couldn't take her eyes off him. Addicting to the eye is what I thought and I couldn't blame her although she was getting on my nerves. She was strawberry blonde and the sun from the window shone through her hair. You could almost see gold in it. She was gorgeous, I was surprised that Edward wasn't even looking at her, he was looking at me. Did you find what you want Isabella?"

I was stunned that he called me by my first name but didn't let it get to me. I told him what I wanted and he kept looking at the women as I talked making sure she heard my order and then whenever I was done he started in on his order. He want a loaded Turkey Club sandwich full, a stick of bread, two cups of soup, and a cherry turnover. I smiled the whole time that he said his order. He was so skinny, I had no clue how he stayed that way, what with him eating like this. I noticed the women's name was Tanya and she kept checking him out, and I'm sure Edward was fully aware. She was not inconspicuous about it at all. Edward paid for the lunch and we took our beeper to a secluded table in the back. We sat down and remained silent for a moment, both of us feeling the awkwardness flow between us. After a minute he clasped his hands together and began to talk.

"So, If you don't mind I'm going to do a random trivia, to fulfill this silence, that is of course, if you don't mind."

He spoke so calmly and reassuringly that I had no reason to recline.

"No, no, go ahead!" I sputtered.

Okay, he seemed in a thought process for a moment before asking his first question.

"I assume since you wear black so much that your favorite color is black?" he asked his head turning slight, his eyes still on me though.

I laughed for a moment that he paid that much attention to how I dressed. I guess I would start having to wear nicer clothes for a while.

"Well actually, my favorite color is white. I also enjoy the color red a lot." As I spoke I watched his face remain calm even though I could see that my response surprised him. For someone that wears black all the time I could imagine how he would never guess that my favorite color would be the exact opposite color.

"I see. Well white certainly is a beautiful color." He smiled warmly at me.

"Yes it is. You've asked me my favorite color, what's yours?" I was genuinely curious as to what his answer would be for such a person like Edward. I would never be able to guess anything about him, he was just so mysteries and reserved.

"Uhm…" He rubbed his head for a moment and stared into my eyes for a second and then answered immediately.

"Brown"

At first I didn't realize how he answered so quickly after staring into my eyes but that night I went to the bathroom to examine my face and noticed my eyes were the perfect shade of brown. Maybe that was why. No maybe not. Maybe he just saw my eyes and realized that he really did like brown, and I was in no way a part of that. Just a helper, that's all. Well I had no way of knowing and I certainly was not going to ask him.

When our beeper rang I rose from my chair and went to claim our food but Edward took his hand upon my shoulders and forced me down. I had no choice but to do so, not only because he was so much stronger than me but because…..his hands. Awhh, his hands. They left me breathless. It may seem funny considering I was in a black sweater, but I could definitely feel the cold, yet it was so cold, it was the best shade of warmth. It felt like running through -15 degree weather in your underwear and diving into a hot tub without that slight burn that in reality, would give you. I even felt the lines of his hands; it almost felt like I had on a tiny tank top and could feel them on my bare skin. It was amazingly the most wonderful experience. I couldn't wait to see what his hands would feel like on my bare skin. I would have to start wearing tank tops and do things that would force him to set me back down. Edward came back with a 2 trays that held our food and he set them down carefully between us. I reached over and took my sandwich that looked utterly delicious. I could tell that the bread that was used was fresh out of the oven. I looked across the table and noticed Edward had already dug into his sandwich and it was more than half way eaten. But it wasn't disgusting; it wasn't like the way most guys ate. I could just imagine average guys eating their food quickly, bits and chunks of food flying on your face, trying to talk to you while their mouth was consuming pounds of food. No, Edward was graceful, yet fast which made his graceful ability that much more appealing. I didn't want to seem weird so I too started to eat, and man was it delicious. I started in on my broccoli cheddar soup and ate almost on the verge of moaning, it was that good. As I continued to eat, I looked up with a drip of soup on my lip. I imagine I looked like I just got caught doing something bad. But was Edward saw me he started to laugh. He almost fell out of his chair laughing and I almost immediately reached around the table for a napkin to wipe my face off, but Edward had been me to the napkin. He handled the napkin around his finger and extended his hand toward my face. He then rubbed off the small drop of soup and examined my face.

"All gone." He smiled.

I was on the verge of screaming. I felt like a little 12 year old who finally got to meet the Jonas Brothers. (B.T.W-Author's note. I Freaking Hate the Jonas Brothers. I think they are a waste of god given talent and time.)I felt the blood from my legs and arms come all the way up to my cheeks as I shivered slightly, but not from the cold of course. He laughed as soon as he saw the cherry red on my cheeks. I looked down and refused to look up until he stopped laughing. I wasn't upset, more upset at myself than anything. I was just so easy to embarrass.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I won't do It anymore" he sounded sincere and I had to laugh that he actually thought I was offended in any way.

"No, no. I was more upset at myself. As you can see, I'm extremely easy to embarrass. "

He understood I could tell, but he didn't press the subject further, because he knew that it wasn't a subject I preferred to speak of. He nodded briefly and continued.

"Okay another question, personal, if you don't mind?" his eyes questioned mine.

"Don't be afraid to ask me any kind of question. I promise I will answer it……." I rethought the words that I had just said.

I put my hands quickly." Wait, but there are conditions. I will tell you if your question crosses the boundary lines."

He shook his head and laughed, I bet he was already considering some Very personal questions that he would force me to answer, and cause me to be in another moment of embarrassment.

"Okay, okay. Uhm, if you could go anywhere, where would you go?"

I had to think for a minute because any place seemed better than rainy Forks. Any place than contained sun and sand was good for me. But… There was one place that I had always wanted to go. A beautiful place in my opinion. It was so modern, yet laidback. At least that was what I had heard.

"I want to go to New York." I said firmly.

His smiled creased downwards.

"Now why would you want to go to a place like that?"

"To be honest Edward, I think it's just so magical. I know most girls would say "Oh, I want to go to Hawaii" but New York just sounds like the place to actually start something. You know what I mean?"

I wasn't sure if he did, considering he probably wanted to go somewhere more reserved and proper. I wasn't sure where that was, but I knew it would have to be quite small to contain those traits.

He seemed to think about it for a moment and then he smiled.

"Yes Bella, I actually see what you're saying."

I smiled back at him, grateful."Thank you".

We continued to smile, and I realized this was the most I had smiled since Jacob, since happiness, since…. Everything. And Edward was the reason for all that. Edward was the reason for my smile, my laughter, and my thoughts. I really liked Edward and I hope he felt the same way. Eventually I looked down, his eyes having too much of an effect on me as usual. I heard him cough, but it sounded like he was trying to hide laughter. He knew, and surprisingly I wanted him to know.


End file.
